SHOULD YOU HAVE A SMALL EGO?
Reading time: 5 minutes
Introduction
However much people hope otherwise, there is no shortcut and no trick that builds a successful life or an outstanding character overnight.
But there are a few key points that give you a huge push forward. Keeping your ego in check is one of them. So here is the short version: what the ego is, why you should keep it under control, and how you actually do it.
What is the “ego”?
“Ego” comes from Latin and means “I”.
It essentially describes your self-perception, but also your self-image and your self-confidence.
Everyone needs a certain amount of ego, but people with an oversized ego tend toward arrogance, conceit, or overrating their own ability. They struggle to build relationships or to admit mistakes, and they like being the center of attention.
Despite the big ego, these people often have problems with their self-confidence.
The advantages of a small ego:
1. Respect
As a young soldier I wanted to be recognized by my comrades, and for a while I tried to be the center of attention at all times. But here is the truth: small children are wound up, they yell, and they need attention. Adults stay calm.
It is the people who stay in the background, the ones who come across as quiet and composed. The ones who do not have to prove anything. They do not say much, they do not get loud or arrogant. They are grounded, they talk to you at eye level, and they do not go after others.
They rarely raise their voice, but when they do have something to say, they say it calmly and with considered words. They do not speak up to look better themselves; they speak up because they believe it helps the whole group. And that is something people respect.
2. Constant development
The biggest advantage of a small ego is that you never stop developing.
You know that there is always someone who is better than you in certain areas.
But you also know that your own potential is far from exhausted and that you can achieve more. That is a humbling feeling, but it has absolutely nothing to do with insecurity. It is simply part of how you see yourself: get the best out of yourself, without ever overestimating yourself.
3. Self-confidence
Having a small ego does not mean you are not allowed any self-confidence. The opposite is true: better results combined with a small ego build a very pure, authentic self-confidence.
In fact you need solid self-confidence to be able to stay out of the spotlight now and then and be fine with it.
You are not better than anyone else, but you know what you can do. You have clearly defined goals and you are ready to keep learning at the same time. Few people manage that balance.
4. Better relationships
People look up to you and they know they can come to you, even when they hold a lower rank. You never talk down to them and you do not have to play the hard man. Instead you show them respect and meet them at eye level.
Your peers, your friends, and even your superiors will notice that attitude. Your modest but self-assured presence leaves a good impression across the board, and you will be one of the first names on the list when important positions and tasks come up.
Your ability to put your own needs second and to see things from someone else’s side also makes you a better team player.
How do I keep my ego under control?
The surest way to keep your ego in check is awareness.
Every time I catch myself thinking “you don’t need that”, “you can already do that”, “you are above that”, I remind myself that this is my ego talking.
Pride comes before a fall, and the points above are more than enough reason to pull my ego back in line.
You can take the easy road and just think you are already there. Or you take the hard road, swallow the red pill, and actually start chasing your goals and tackling the things you have been avoiding.
Next time something you are about to do does not feel quite right, take a step back, listen to yourself, and check your ego. You will be surprised.
Jocko Willink’s (Ex-Navy SEAL) take on the ego.
Good luck out there!
Shughart
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